My new vlog is out today - it's a list of ideas and tips to provide proper skincare for yourself in all this sunshine!
Enjoy :) x
Underwear, Body Positivity and Ageing
My third piece of The Huffington Post has been published!
This time I'm looking at how you can use underwear to help yourself feel fantastic regardless of the changes your body goes through as we get older.
Personally, I can be quite conscious of the stretch marks and looser skin around my tummy that have been left by my two wonderful pregnancies. Does this mean I don't wear underwear to feel sexy? Quite the opposite!
Dig in and I hope you will find something useful to you :)
Full article here
I've also recently vlogged on this subject - take a look:
How we choose to present ourselves
I found this Marilyn Monroe quote and I had to share.
I have spent the last couple of months looking at visuals of myself and picking myself apart. My team and I have focussed on the reality of who I am as an artist and tried to bring out the different facets of my personality in the most natural way possible.
Sometimes, however, I cringe at what I see. We are all without doubt our own worst critics, are we not?
We all have a lot of choice these days, and I wholeheartedly agree with freedom of choice - but having experienced the hospitalisation of my father as a result of a necessary operation that did not go according to plan, I will never have non life saving surgery. Could I do with a tummy tuck? Oh yes…does my face need tweaking? Probably… but...I suppose what I am saying is I have reached a new level of acceptance of how I look and am becoming increasingly comfortable in the skin I’m in - even though it is less than toned in places and the wrinkles are starting to pick up momentum. However I can't pretend I'm not fortunate - I'm very lucky with my hair for instance, and you lovely people have been extremely flattering about my new video (in which I'm not wearing a whole lot!).
A few people have commented on the fact that you can see my stomach in certain shots in the video and how that is quite brave as it is my least favourite bit of me.
But whilst it was uncomfortable when I first saw it - it is part of me. The reality is I put on a lot of weight when I was pregnant with my kids and lost it quite quickly, this coupled with a massive muscle separation in my stomach left me with a lot of work to do!
And whilst a toned flat stomach would be incredible, I have two beautiful children - so I feel lucky. If that was the trade off - I came out on top.
I suppose it is human nature to point out our flaws and it is easy. It also seems increasingly easy to "fix" our physical flaws and create a contrived reality...and I suppose that is where choice comes into play.
I will be writing some posts about how we try to create perfection in some way or another in our lives - whether it’s body image, lifestyle or autotuning vocals on an album. And as I gather research, I would love to know what you think.
Through creating content for my new album - the amazing team with whom I work have urged me to embrace how I look and the faces I pull when I sing and have reminded me that the imperfections of reality have merits. In fact, I am grateful for this reminder as I truly believe it is our flaws that make us interesting and beautiful. Your thoughts?
Detox, denial and discipline
About ten years ago I started detoxing, once a year for ten days. Based completely around eating whole, fresh foods, I guess it was eating extremely cleanly without the label.
Detoxes tend to suit my personality - I associate it with resetting my body. And in particular controlling my “sugar switch”, which is really highly charged. Sugar is without doubt my downfall.
I have never been a fan of a diet, which in my mind is linked to weight loss, or denying myself something. In fact, if I tell myself I can’t or shouldn’t have “whatever”, that’s all I want.
Over the last few years however, I have fallen out of the detox habit. Life has been increasingly busy and I felt my training and daily nutrition were pretty good so I didn’t feel the need to do a formal detox.
This year though, some kind of health and fitness shake up was on my mind. And in the general busyness of life, eating cake and going out for drinks was becoming more of a regular occurrence rather than an occasional pleasure.
However, after my summer holiday, I made up my mind. Drinking nearly every night – which I find quite brutal these days - coupled with a video shoot coming up in the next few weeks my mind-set just flipped. I don’t know what you’re like, but once I make my mind up – I’m pretty focused and generally don’t deviate from my goals.
So, what am I actually doing? A ten-day detox. I started my regular “eating clean” regime – no sugar, caffeine, alcohol or starchy carbs. All was going well, and then on day 3 I decided to turbo charge the whole experience - I have no idea why - and bought David Kirsch’s 48 Hour Super Charged Cleanse.
This has been around for a while but I have never tried it. It is 48 hours of a liquid cleanse, no food whatsoever. I found that doing the cleanse with vitamin supplements and herbal teas my energy levels didn’t really dip at all. The only change I noticed was I didn’t sleep particular well, but I don’t know if that is coincidental.
I must say though, the hardest part for me was missing actually eating food – as I really enjoy eating!
Anyway, so far I have lost 1.7kg in 5 days. But for me, this is not principally about weight loss. It’s more about feeling good about myself and confident especially if I am going to be in front of a camera. I am great believer in feeling positive on the inside and projecting that outwards. And maybe there is a little vanity in there too…I also feel lighter, leaner, more energised and cleaner and my stomach, which is definitely my Achilles heel, like many mothers, is currently completely flat!
I am going to do my best to keep on this healthy track for a while after my detox is officially over, especially as I don’t have a firm shoot day for my video yet.
And whilst I would quite like a cupcake I’m going to hold out for as long as I can. A little self-imposed discipline won’t do me any harm!
Is it time I gave up drinking alcohol?
There appears to no correlation these days to how much I drink and how I feel the next day. I can go out with friends and have a glass and a half of wine, get a good night’s sleep and wake up in the morning with a pounding headache.
Similarly, I can be out drinking all night and wake up feeling as fresh as a daisy. Dehydrated of course, but that’s the worst of it. There really is no rhyme or reason to this.
I have been thinking it’s an age thing, or a woman/hormonal (!) thing, but many of my male friends are the same, so that's not it!
Hangovers are a constant mystery to me. And I think we can all agree are evil. So, I’m always looking for a formula to beat them…but just as I think I have worked out the “sensible” amount of alcohol to escape a throbbing head, a dreadful night’s sleep and feeling slightly nauseous – the way my body reacts changes!
Similarly, hangover cures seem to vary – fail-safes that used to perk me up like Diet Coke have increasingly become ineffectual. To be honest the only three things that really work for me these days are water, green tea and spicy food (!)I am, I suppose, what experts would call a classic “social binge drinker”, where binging is anything more than two drinks. I don’t drink at home, unless we have people over. I don’t drink on my own. So, in my head socialising involves drinking to some degree. But as I said NOT a fan of the hangover, so periodically I think about becoming teetotal.
Increasingly a lot of people I know just don’t drink. They go out and have plenty of fun, without alcohol. These friends fascinate me. It seems they are able to exercise a level of self-restraint that I don’t seem to possess.
Not drinking clearly has a lot of pluses – no hangovers, good for my health, saves money, guaranteed good sleep. The problem is… I like a drink here or there.
So I thought about this possible “willpower” issue, but when I was a teenager I used smoke, a lot. Then before I had my kids I decided to give up, to “cleanse” my body of smoky toxins before I fell pregnant. So one day, I went cold turkey and gave up. It was relatively straightforward.
So I guess for me, mind-set comes into play. I believe we all have the power to do whatever we want to do. So, whilst I like the theory, in practise I don’t think I really want to give up. So, maybe limits would be better – for someone who has no concept of “middle ground” this is going to be interesting experiment.
Especially as on Thursday I’m off on holiday with my family. Maybe I will try to exercise a little self control in the first instance and have a few soft drink evenings...hmmm, I'll keep you posted…any tips?
What I would tell my teenager self about – sport and exercise
I have been thinking a lot lately about what kind of person I was when I was younger – character traits that have changed beyond recognition, things about me that have been constant throughout my life and this has got me thinking about what I would say to myself, if I met “teenager me” in a parallel universe.
Me being me, I would want to say quite a lot about several things, so much so “teenage me” would be bored stiff! But the subject that leapt into my head was sport and exercise. I would say, “Don’t skip sports lessons or pretend you’re ill so you don’t have to join in.
”When I was teenager I didn’t really engage in any sort of sporting activity. I was in fact “Queen of bunking off games”. I am quite ashamed of that now. I guess I could blame my upbringing, sport was not prevalent, but I think it is far too easy to do that and I am not a fan of the blame game. I was quite wayward and mischievous – but is that really an excuse either?
The reality is I wasn’t naturally very good at any sports, so I didn’t try, so over time I accumulated absolutely no ability for anything sporty whatsoever!
What is interesting is I look to my kids, who perhaps wouldn’t thank me for saying, but before the ages of 10/11 they weren’t great at sport – but they had a love for it and wanted to be active.
As soon as they hit their teens - well - their sporting lives became very important and found their running legs spectacularly. Both of them have run for their schools competitively and are incredible. Proud mother – right here – and I can’t pretend these genes have come from me!
Through my kids I have learned about the excitement, camaraderie and competitive spirit that comes from playing team sports and representing your school in a vital match.
I wish "teenage me" could see what they are like and felt how they feel. Training sessions are non negotiable for my son and my daughter clears her head by going for a run at the end of the day. I understand the merits of all this now – but it didn’t enter my head to do it when I was younger.
I train quite hard these days 5-6 days a week for 8 weeks then I have a rest week when I concentrate on yoga and flexibility. But I am very late to the party. I only really got into exercise in my 20s when I was pregnant and then trying to shift pregnancy weight. In fact, at the time we used to live in Sydney, I used to feed my daughter at about 6am and go for a run along a path near Sydney Harbour - I know don’t fall over in shock!
I think the reason I started thinking about this, is sometimes I find it so hard to motivate myself and I’m not sure it any of it comes naturally to me. And whilst I am very accepting of how I am and look, I wonder if I had started getting into exercise at a younger age if there would now be a difference to my strength, aerobic fitness, physique and health – undoubtedly yes.
So what do you think? And what are your experiences? I love to know…
Fashion, cocktails and canapés
The title of this post pretty much tells you that the event I went to last night was my kinda thing… I was at a Rachel Comey fashion evening hosted by Matchesfashion.com to preview the designer’s PreAW15 collection and Main AW15 collection.
I have been to a few fashion shows, but never something like this. Held at Matchesfashion.com’s Private Shopping and Events townhouse in Central London, the evening was relaxed and chilled with a friendly buzz in the air - the vibe I felt mirroring the designer’s ethos in many ways.
US designer, Rachel Comey attended the University of Vermont as an art major with a focus on sculpture. After college, Comey moved to New York; her first forays into fashion were as costume designer for bands in the growing downtown music scene.Inspired by this, Comey launched her first eponymous collection of menswear. Thanks to a great network and word of mouth, the collection proved a success, and she began to gain a loyal following. By 2004, Comey had introduced womenswear and footwear to her business.
Her collections are known for artful custom textiles and modern silhouettes. This was apparent in the pieces on show last night - tactile fabrics and lovely prints. The styles are unstated. Comey’s designs are contemporary and current - definitely pieces to wear now… All woven garments are made locally in midtown Manhattan while footwear and knitwear is made in Portugal, Spain, and Peru.
Something I loved when I was reading up on Rachel Comey, is that she is widely credited for being the first major American designer to break with longstanding tradition and present her collections in Brooklyn over an intimate dinner party.
The dinners provided an opportunity for Comey to show her collections in a more personal setting, and to create an atmosphere for conversation, unlike the typical runway shows...A quick word about Matchesfashion.com; having lived in southwest London for many years, The Wimbledon Matchesfashion.com store has been my local designer boutique for some time. What I love about the store is that they seem to have perfected a blend of local, warm and welcoming with luxurious high fashion.
This must largely be down to husband and wife owners Tom and Ruth Chapman. Ruth, whom I have met on a few occasions, including last night, is the sort of woman you can’t help but revere. Serene, warm, friendly and very approachable; her savvy and passion for her business are undeniable.
Last night was such fun and I have promised myself that when I get another fashion invitation, I am definitely going. And whilst on the face of it Rachel Comey’s pieces are not quite in keeping with my own personal style…there was a lovely yellow dress (see below!) that I may have to try on at some point….Rachel Comey’s collection can be found at www.matchesfashion.com
It’s time for a closet clear out
I have too many clothes. Mostly beautiful dresses I have collected through the years. I’m a sucker for anything in silk, bright colours and unusual prints. But - there are only 7 days a week so clearly there is a limit to how many clothes I can actually wear.
My biggest problem is I don’t like throwing any piece of clothing away and I pride myself on buying things that are timeless. In fact recently I wore a Collette Dinnigan dress that I bought in Australia when my daughter was born – so 18 years ago. It’s looking pretty good (the dress, not me!) and it has the added allure of being vintage now.
It doesn’t matter if it’s high street or designer, every item of clothing gets lovingly welcomed into the Parry fashion family (!!)So culling does not come naturally. This, coupled with a constant stream of new season pieces that are put online week after week to lure me into buying something new and desirable equals a wardrobe slowly descending into chaos and order needs to be restored.
I have a rough plan in my head with four categories: (a) keeping, (b) too threadbare for anyone so throwing away, (c) charity, and (d) worth selling. But how do I get to the four categories?
I have to be ruthless. If I don’t love it and it doesn’t fit perfectly, it needs to go. This is a no-brainer.
Focus on my own style. I am a dress girl, and more recently a shirt/skirt girl. The point is I am not a jeans girl. I only have one pair of jeans in my wardrobe. So whilst it is nice to go off road now and again, most of us have our personal style figured out.
I must be brutally honest with myself. When I do allow myself to buy something new, I must scan my wardrobe for similar items. We all have a tendency to gravitate towards the same colours and shapes of clothes. But how many black leather pencil skirts does one girl need? In my case - three and that’s more than enough! They actually all fit really well, so they are staying.
Use good judgment. I personally do not adhere to the “if you haven’t worn it for two years throw it out", I refer to my Collette Dinnigan dress earlier. We don’t need a cocktail dress every day, but it's good to know there are a few in your wardrobe that fit perfectly, ready for the right occasion. However, if you always sidestep a particular item of clothing for something else, it needs to go.
So, my plan makes perfect sense to me. But I have been thinking about how best to dispatch pieces I want to sell, mainly designer clothes that don’t fit or suit me anymore.
Obviously lots of people sell on eBay and similar sites, and there are services that sell your clothes for you and take a commission. But increasingly I am thinking that whilst I would like to make some money from my beloved wardrobe, I would also like to raise some money for charity. So here’s where I need your input.
Current seedling ideas are setting up my own little online “shop” maybe attached to this blog where I could sell a certain number of clothes for a different charity a month or - what I am veering towards is organising a larger sale event with live music (maybe performed by me and various friends/guests) supporting maybe 5-6 charities that are important to me…I know this sounds like a mish mash, but with a bit of focus I think it might be a great event and worthwhile, would you come? Suggestions, advice and thoughts gratefully received here…
Prismologie - body care to stir the senses through colour and nature
A few weeks ago, whilst running errands I found myself outside my local Space NK and something caught my eye. I am always impressed by great window dressing because it draws you in, just as it is supposed to - and there in the window was Prismologie, a brand new skincare line, clean contemporary packaging with a vibrant blast of colour.
I love trying new things, so I thought I’d take a look at the range. I decided on the foaming body scrub with Cedarwood and ruby (from the Red Hour section) and the rich body cream with Neroli and diamond (from the White Beginning products).
Prismologie is the brainchild and first skincare line from Intisar and Fatima Alsabah, a mother and daughter team from Kuwait; they describe themselves as women who “have always wanted to provide people with tools to empower themselves.”
Their concept began when they started connecting the huge impact colours have on people’s moods and attitudes. They were looking for a brand that used the power of colours, but couldn't find one. So they thought they would create one themselves.
In their own words, “We all react very naturally and intuitively to colour. We understand colour but we don't always embrace its powerful effects on us. We want to invite people to engage with colours in a different way, to notice what they feel and to decide how they want to feel. We want the colours in our range to set the tone of people’s days and encourage them to reconnect with themselves.“
“When we started thinking about how we want to add colour to our daily lives, we realised that a body care routine is a given for most people. We all shower, we need something to moisturise our skin with and so on. We all live very busy lives and we sometimes get carried away and don't realise that we have forgotten to focus on ourselves even for a few minutes to give ourselves the care we need. We chose body care most specifically because caring for your body is usually a very personal experience, whereas one’s face is usually something people care for in part for others to see; not always just for ourselves.”
For me, this idea makes total sense; I personally am very colour driven and also am very aware, given my Indian heritage, of the chakras and the colours associated to them, which interestingly tie into the Prismologie brand. Colours affect my mood without doubt, and I definitely go through phases of being drawn more strongly to certain colours than others. I think we all do, even if we are not consciously aware of it.
And I suppose we all pick clothes to suit our moods, to boost our confidence. I certainly know from myself and other friends that we may even choose our underwear to make us feel good/beautiful/sexy/empowered on a particular day; so, why not take it a step further, with what you choose put on your body before you get dressed?
Prismologie is a high-end brand, so not cheap, but from personal use, a little goes a long way. And the effects of the beautiful ingredients are that my skin is silky smooth and the positive stimulation of my senses seems very real. If you fancy a treat or change, Prismologie is really worth checking out.
To find out more about the brand and products in detail, check out Prismologie (http://www.prismologie.com). Prismologie can be found at online and at Space NK stores (spacenk.com)PS: It’s good to note that Prismologie products do not contain GM ingredients, Sodium Lauryl Sulphate (SLS), Petrolatum or Propylene Glycol, Parabens, animal derivatives or products that have been tested on animals. They do not agree with animal testing and every single element of packaging is recyclable and they only use FSC cardboard and reusable glass.
How do you shop the sales?
This may be one for the ladies, but I certainly don’t want to exclude all the very stylish men I know…The summer sales are coming. Many shops are already sending out preview sale invitations with up to 40% off marked prices. And though this used to fill me with great joy, I am under no illusions when I get these invitations; I am not special, I have just done A HELLUVA LOT of shopping in my time, so qualify for a lot of discounts!
I used to love a sale. I mean, who doesn’t love a bargain? The trouble with a bargain is that sometimes we get swept up with the markdowns and end up with more stuff we didn’t need in the first place.
These days, I try to be a little more discerning. The reality is, for me there is less desire to snap something up in an end of season sale - here’s why:
Firstly, because we seem to live with a “get it now” mentality, so if I really lust after something, I try it on and if it fits and I can afford it, I buy it. The justification for buying something full price is that my size may not be there at the end of the season, but to be honest we can all justify whatever we want….Secondly, if I have waited till the end of the season, I obviously didn’t want the, let’s say for instance, dress, that much, so maybe I’m just imagining I want it, because it’s in the sale?
And finally it is END OF season. Clothes that we “ooohed” and “ahhhed” over in January for Spring/Summer are somehow less appealing. And as the fashion industry turns its’ attention to pre fall/autumn collections, we are already being tantalized by new season lines, having not yet made full use of our summer wardrobe.
However, sales do have their place. Nowadays, my strategy is I only really buy special pieces in sales. Luxurious fabrics and beautifully cut dresses or jackets that are timeless.
Like a hawk, I will watch something that was horrendously expensive at the start of the season, which I adored but there was absolutely no justification in handing over my credit card for; I will watch as the price gets slashed.
Sometimes if you can bear the wait beautiful things can be discounted by as much as 80% and snapping them up then, feels so good, I think this may be a legal high...There is of course a gamble involved here so I will also say a little prayer to the shopping angels so that if and when the price becomes affordable, my size is still available.
I am not a fan of buying stuff that sits in your wardrobe unworn, so whatever I buy I wear and I think, some of us can go a little crazy in the sales as it is all cheaper. I must deter you from this - there’s no point buying stuff just because it’s cheaper, unless it’s gorgeous on you of course.
So how you will shop the sales? Do you go crazy or do you have a strategy?
Personally, I have my eye on a pair of Saint Laurent black leather shorts. I have lusted after them for months and my lust is undiluted. I cannot justify them, but I will watch and wait and with any luck, they will come down to a much less eye -watering price…fingers crossed…In the meantime, happy sales shopping let me know what you find…
When life is busy, how do you look after yourself?
(The view from my hotel room)
Do you know when to stop and recharge? Do you have a balance of working hard, and then unwinding so you are truly refreshed? I don’t. So, really what I’m looking for here is advice.
I’m a “get stuff done now so you’re ahead of yourself” person, a compulsive list maker, a “hardly ever say no” person. I love my work, writing songs, coming up with new creative ideas, thinking of posts for this blog and so often work 7 days a week, and of course I have a family…And though this is how I choose to live my life, the problem is I literally never stop.
I have found this year that life has taken on a different pace. Increasingly I feel the need relax and do nothing. But I am not very good at it and curiously the thought of taking time to do nothing for myself makes me feel guilty. I think this is a "mother" thing.
I have tried to book the odd beauty treatment as an “enforced” time out, but I find myself scheduling studio days and answering emails whilst trying not to scuff lovely manicured nails. Even I know that’s not relaxing.
So this weekend just gone, I decide to do something bold. I booked a hotel in Cotswolds, chucked a few things in a bag and jumped in car on my own. Funnily enough, last week a few girlfriends and I were talking about a spa break, but that wouldn’t be for a few months and would take some coordination. And whilst I am looking forward to doing that, I needed to hit pause now.
So, I drove off just before lunchtime on Saturday, having made sure the house was clean and the washing was done. There was a bit of traffic, but the weather was so gorgeous it wasn’t a hardship and I remembered that driving without any time constraints is a joy.
A few hours later I arrived at the little hotel I had booked. Checked in and did nothing. I read my book, I snoozed, I had a shower, went down to the bar had a drink, ate some yummy food and then went to bed at 9.30pm.You may be thinking, I sound really sad and pathetic but I loved it. I am just not used to taking time out for me. It’s not the way I am wired. But I realised I spend most of my time "doing", even if I love what I’m doing, and for just over 24 hours I benefitted from just "being". And the funny thing is this, though I didn’t take any work with me, on Sunday morning when I woke alarm free – my brain was buzzing with ideas.
I would love to tell I put my wellies or walking boots (neither of which I own) and went for a long walk in the countryside, but I didn’t. For a city girl like me, being in the country and looking at it was a good first step. I drove home feeling energised and refreshed.
So how good are you at looking after yourself? Do you feel you have good work/rest balance in your life? Do you stop and take time out for yourself? Tell me what you do; I would love to know.
Do you have a “magic number” for your size and weight, and what do you do to get there?
Mine is 54kg. I have been 49kg; which didn’t suit me, mentally or physically and I have been close to 60kg. People didn’t really notice, but some of my clothes felt a little snug and I had to do this crazy wriggling dance to get into my jeans.
Now the sky is blue and the sun feels warm I tend to jump on the scales. I have weaned myself off this habit over the years, as it can be counterproductive. I know it is just a number and in isolation it doesn’t mean a great deal. But that number can hold a lot of momentary power – when it goes down I’m delighted, when it goes up I am temporarily dejected.
It seems most of my mates (women) are similar. When we turn our attention to health and vanity goals, most of us have our own “magic number”. A number plucked from youth, or the slimmest time of your life or because you think you “should” be a particular weight.
We all know that there are many factors affecting “weight” including sleep, stress, illness and hormones but still we obsess about the “magic number”.
We know that eating healthily is the way to go so for the most part I do, but anyone who knows me knows my love for cake and pudding - I just don’t want to look like a pudding! So I exercise five times a week.
I can get to and maintain 52kg, but it takes a LOT of discipline. And I’m not sure that level of self-restraint is very fun, for me, or the people around me.
What I have learned over the years is that bodies change and I am learning to accept this, for the most part. I was bigger at university, but after each child, I went down a dress size. Right now I am about 1.5kgs off my “magic number”. Yep, it’s still in my head…I read an article years ago about the gorgeous model Iman Abdulmajid who said as a woman hits her thirties she should add 5lbs to the weight she thinks she would like to be, to guard against looking older than her years. Whilst the lovely Iman can probably afford a few pounds here and there, I think she has a point. We all want to look good and be healthy, but not at the cost of looking gaunt or aged.
The reality is that this “issue” is a subjective one. When we look at ourselves we focus on our flaws and imperfections. We compare ourselves to friends with completely different body shapes. We long to regain how we were at our youth or perceived best and fixate on what has changed “negatively”. For me, all I ever see is my stomach - which after two children is the polar opposite of washboard! But maybe others just see the whole picture. I know do when I look my friends or people walking down the street.
So I guess moderation is the key, and being kind to yourself. With the media flooded with super foods, nutritional advice and new ways of training they are many ways to attain whatever goals you have or reaching your “magic number”.
I try to be balanced, but that “magic number” can be an elusive wotsit, so I’m off for a run…what do you do to get to your “magic number”? Do you have one, or are you happy as you are?
When a quick fix doesn’t cut it: or how an illness led me to Michelle Roques O’Neil
(Michelle Roques O'Neil)
A few years ago, I got virus that resulted in me being bed ridden for about 2 weeks, it then took another 6 weeks to regain any kind of normality, I had been zapped of my life force, or so it felt. I saw several doctors, popped every pill prescribed and had every test under the sun. I need to be fixed, and quickly.
The good news is all the tests were normal, there was nothing wrong with me; the bad news was no one could tell me what had happened. As I improved, one of the doctors suggested it could have been stress induced. But being in so much pain that I was confined to my bed, because of stress seemed ridiculous.
I have always believed in the mind, body and soul connection. There has been much scientific evidence that emotional experiences have a real effect on our physiology. And traditional Chinese medicine says that different organs represent different emotions.
Anyway, the point is I had experienced something which conventional medicine couldn’t answer. My body shut down and took its’ own sweet time to reboot. I wanted a way forward to guard against a similar episode; I felt I needed a longer lasting solution.
I am a great believer that life gives you what you need. About two years before my crazy virus I had read about a lady called Michelle Roques O’Neil. I read the article and unusually, after a few weeks, I didn’t put the magazine into the recycling, I kept coming back to it.
Eventually I picked up the phone and spoke to Michelle. A lot of what she said resonated with me, so I booked an appointment.
To say, Michelle is an aromatherapist and massage therapist who has counseling qualifications is accurate. She combines oils, acupressure and reiki to tune into the physical and emotional states of her clients. But in truth this doesn’t really scratch the surface.
She is warm and easy to trust. She is a healer, a very proactive one. She compassionately finds the possible roots to dissatisfaction, sadness, resentment, anger, hurt and stress that you may have buried so deep that you were not aware of them and gives you tools to improve yourself from the inside out.
She helps you strip away negative emotions, superficialities and insecurities to be a more authentic you. Even if like me you thought you were fine and nothing was really wrong. Michelle helps in subtle yet profound ways. And yes, she is an awesome massage therapist and facialist.
It is true that someone else being a sounding board often highlights issues in your life that you could not see before. Objectivity is hard when you are being subjective. Michelle has taught me balance and putting myself first, which I have never been very good at. I leave an appointment feeling rejuvenated and energized with a clearer vision – emotionally and mentally.
In this world of quick fixes, many of us are increasingly looking for answers and ways of living that are more meaningful, long lasting and nourishing. People I wouldn’t have thought of as spiritually aware are turning to meditation, journals and yoga.
I personally recognise the joy of a quick fix to make myself feel good or less stressed – a manicure, a new pair of shoes or a glass of prosecco or two, and Michelle would encourage these little joys. But we could also recognize them as temporary and balance them with something more nurturing and long term to keep us well and happy.
I am sure I will write about my friend and mentor Michelle Roques O’Neil again. But in the meantime, if you want to check her out please take a look at her website where you can discover her world http://www.roquesoneil.com/
Alexander McQueen – Savage Beauty at the V&A
(Photo taken from a postcard bought at V&A, Look 91, Alexander McQueen - Bugle beads and net)
It was mesmerising and captivating. The music and lighting beautifully balanced to create a slightly hypnotic effect, showcasing the dramatic spectacle that encapsulated the vision of Alexander McQueen.
I don’t how the organisers at the Victoria and Albert museum did it, but somehow they had managed to distil McQueen’s essence into the atmosphere. Or at least that’s how it felt for me.
Sometimes in life when your expectations are high, they are rarely met, or maybe this is the cynic in me. This was not the case yesterday. I was instantly drawn in, marvelling at the collections displayed at the Alexander McQueen - Savage Beauty exhibition.
The exhibition is first and largest retrospective of the late designer’s work to be presented in Europe. It showcases McQueen’s designs from his 1992 MA graduate collection to his unfinished A/W 2010 collection.
One of my favourite collections was VOSS, Spring/Summer 2001, also known as the ‘Asylum’ show. I understand that on the catwalk, it was staged inside a vast two-way mirrored box, which the models couldn’t see out of to start with. Of the show, McQueen said, ‘It was about trying to trap something that wasn’t conventionally beautiful to show that beauty comes from within.’
(photo taken from Alexander McQueen book, bought at V&A - Look from the VOSS collection)
So, the exhibition satisfied my appetite for fashion, but as I lingered at each mannequin and video screen, I flipped between wonder and sadness. Wonder because, to me his blend of drama, theatrics, emotion and couture were perfectly balanced in each piece. Each design showcases his attention to detail, and the mastery with which he created such beauty from the dark, mysterious, unexpected and sometimes the ugly and grotesque. But sadness because a talent like his, is no longer with us.
And whilst the brand, Alexander McQueen is still such a successful powerhouse reaching the masses, I can’t help feeling that the magic has been diluted with his passing, something intangible and really rather special has been lost. What a true artist Alexander McQueen was and his artistry continues to be inspirational.PS: this has been one of the hardest posts to write, to date, I really felt that “wow” and “OMG” weren’t going to cut it. I have been thinking about what to write since yesterday and have been completely waylaid this afternoon by the beautiful Alexander McQueen book I bought in the shop, edited by Claire Wilcox. I’m not sure if I have done the exhibition justice, but I hope so, and if you want to go, let me know, I’m pretty sure I can free up my diary…
(Photo taken from a postcard bought at V&A, Look 45, Alexander McQueen - Silk faille and tuille with boning, with fresh and silk flowers)
Beliefs – Friend or foe? What do you believe?
There is a proverb that has been imprinted on my brain since I was a child. Very loosely translated from Bengali, it is
"However much you laugh is how much you’ll cry."
The phrase sounds beautiful in Bengali but has always struck me as such an odd thing to say. When I was growing up, it was sometimes used by my mother as a warning.
Even if I employ my rational brain and think about Newton's 3rd law - every action has an equal and opposite reaction - I still don’t understand why we would be told not to have too much fun. In case something bad happens? That seems fearful.
This got me thinking about the things we are told and the weight of a belief. Beliefs can empower or decimate instantly, often in quite a surreptitious way. For example, my family is huge and, for the most part, very traditional. Whilst there was great love in our home, there was not a lot of praise. It was frowned upon, the belief was that it would breed arrogance. Humility was the way to go, and whilst I agree that it is a wonderful quality, the things that people say (and how they say them) can stay with you forever. When I was a teenager I was told quite forcefully once that I was a failure. The whys and wherefores aren’t relevant here, but it has stayed with me forever.
There are always people in our lives, often those closest to us, whose words matter, whose beliefs we take as gospel. This is wonderful if the beliefs raise us up, not if they put you down. For many people, beliefs are linked to religion, which, combined with tradition and culture, was heavily intertwined in the way I was brought up. Despite my relationship with God being very up and down, I respect all religions and faith (as long as they do no harm). I do believe there is something more than flesh and bone. I believe in the soul and inexplicable connections. I believe there is more.
And I have to say: I don’t believe that "God" or any kind of higher order that would want us to have a detrimental effect on people or to put a negative spin on happiness and laughter.
I have always been accepting of life's ups and downs, I am prepared to take the rough spots if I can have the moments of euphoria. In fact I believe that the way we deal with low points and challenges in life is what defines us. So I’m going to keep laughing and being happy, and if that has to be balanced with sadness then I am prepared to shed the odd tear.
How about you? What do you believe? Do your beliefs empower you, or are building yourself up after falling prey to unfounded beliefs?
How do you justify the cost of clothes in that “I just have to have it” moment?
Picture this – you’re out shopping with your mates and you see a piece of clothing in your peripheral vision, you make a bee-line for it – touch it, hold it up to you and check the price tag. You’re thinking, “I’ll just try it on to satisfy my curiosity”. This is fatal, especially if you have chosen well and it fits like it was made for you. Your mates, the shop assistant all chorus, “You look so good in that, you have to have it.”
At this moment, maybe like me you turn into a fashion schizophrenic. One part of my brain is telling me I don’t need this (let’s say for instance) dress. I begin mentally scouring my wardrobe for something similar. I have had to cultivate this habit. My default position is “I love this, it’s so versatile, I can dress it up and dress it down, it’ll never date…” and so it goes on. I have already bought it, paying is merely a formality.
I used to be a true clothes shopping addict – no justifications, impulse buys, coming home with something very similar to another thing I have already and feeling slightly peer pressured into buying something slightly out of my budget and sticking it on my credit card.
Nowadays, I am more discerning. Generally if I find something I love that’s expensive I will look on the high street for something similar. A case in point is this gorgeous Zara green silk shirt I bought a few weeks ago.
It is £39.99 as opposed to a Raquel Allegra one (which isn’t silk) around at the moment, retailing at £318 – which also looks lovely. The problem with "high street" brands these days though is the prices have been steadily creeping up and so aren't always the cheap option. I saw a couple of dresses on the Topshop site for £600 yesterday. Not what I expected, but price point may be another blog post.
So my justification list is broadly this:
Fabric. This is really important to me. Silk and cotton always win, I struggle to pay a lot for polyester.
Workmanship/lining. I know a few amazing seamstresses and used to make clothes myself when I was a teenager, so finishing off a piece of clothing well is vital.
Is it going to stand the test of time? I will admit I have a lot of clothes, but I still pull out things I bought ten years ago and they haven’t dated.
Do I really love it?
Does it fit me perfectly?
I know we all have budgets, and we all go through phases of “being good” and not shopping (this was me in January and February) and then having the odd splurge on something we can’t resist. So, when you see something you love, how do you justify the cost?
PS: Last I tweeted the top picture, a beautiful Dolce and Gabbana dress. Those of you who know me will suspect I succumbed. I did. Old habits die hard; it’s on my credit card…Sssshh!
My five fav beauty products right now
I am not, as I have said previously, a beauty expert. However, I use products and I know what like. For many years my go-to brands were Dermalogica and Elemis. Both of which, I think are fantastic, but on occasion I have branched out and experimented with new products and if I love them, I stick with them. I also find, and maybe this is just me but sometimes mixing and matching different brands can be very effective.
Now, the products I am highlighting are higher-end products. There are three points I’d like to make here. Firstly, these are a selection of products I personally use; secondly, I am not 17 so my skin needs targeted help sometimes (!). And thirdly, sometimes a product seems like costly but then lasts for ages and produces noticeable results – so might be worth the investment.
So here goes:
John Masters Organics, Vitamin C Anti-aging Face Serum
I have used this for years now. I love it and though I might have a break, I always come back to it. I know Vitamin C has been hailed for sometime as a key anti-aging ingredient – this really works. It is light, but penetrates your skin and gives instant lasting radiance.
Balbec Beauty’s Restorative Oil with frankincense & geranium
You may have read my post on Balbec and may be thinking “here she goes again with her cousin’s wife’s brand”. But this is really good. The frankincense is wonderful for aging skin because it stimulates cell regeneration and geranium stimulates the lymph system and also aids with cell regeneration.
Aurelia’s Cell Revitalise Day Moisturiser
I must be honest, I bought this product because my usual moisturiser was out of stock and I was looking at a few options. I think I plumped for this one because the texture was light but rich if that makes any sense, and the packaging appealed to me. What can I say? Sometimes I am a real girl! Anyway, I am delighted I happened on this brand - I love it. The cream is makes my skin almost immediately radiant and vibrant.
Nude’s Miracle Mask
This is another product I have used for a while. On their website Nude say it is, “an exfoliating mask that works to brighten and resurface skin”. Yes, a definite yes. I was first sold this by being told that make up artists often use this on models before preparing for a shoot. And whilst I am no model, I would quite like similar results where possible.
Nars Multi-Protect Primer Broad Spectrum SPF 30
This again is a staple for me. I am quite OCD about sunscreen and paranoid about sun damage. And in general I don’t wear foundation except for special occasions. So I find if I put this primer over my moisturiser I seem to look a little bit more “polished”. It’s light and contains mineral powders to blur fine lines and wrinkles – who doesn’t love a blurred wrinkle? So there you have it some of my favourite products. Tell me about your favourite products and what you think I should try.
Slow Down to do More; My Search for Balance
I often visualise any given day, as a box - a finite space in which I cram as much as possible. I’m not saying my life is busier than anyone else’s. We all seem to live in a world that has a surreptitious accelerator built into it. Hours, days and weeks fly past and I find myself squeezing as much as I can into my virtual box and sometimes, stuff just spills out. It doesn’t all fit. But I need it to fit, how can I get to fit?
The start of this year has been dream like, but full on. Family life – always busy, work – gratifying but challenging – starting this gorgeous shiny blog, finishing final vocals for my lovely project with guitarist Francesco Lo Castro and meeting the incredible producer Andy Wright and bringing to life a covers concept I have had formulating in my head for a while. Life is in a groove right now.
Despite the fact that I love being busy, I can spiral into a whirlpool of latent stress. My default setting is to push through. Power on: whatever the cost. However the cost is often, my wellbeing and sanity. Couple this with the fact that I am very tough on myself; I am the queen of self-beration, in fact.
So I have found myself, over the last month, actively slowing down on my busiest days, taking breaks and hitting my personal pause button. And whilst slowing down goes against my natural state, I seem to be getting more done. It’s as though all the “stuff” suddenly has its own space and there is room to breathe.
For me this is progress. But balance is a delicate thing and I’m not sure I have mastered the subtleties yet. Sometimes we need to stop. I’m told it’s good for the soul. Last week is a good example:
I was in the studio from Tuesday. Everyday was great. On Thursday, we finished the vocals and the wine came out, so left my car at the studio and taxied it home at 1am. Luckily the next morning I felt fine, but a little bit of guilt crept in when I didn’t have my car to take my son to school. This was something I was meant to do.
Friday there was a gig and party at said studio. I think subconsciously I had allowed myself to let my hair down…and I did. It would be fair to say I was in a world of pain the next day, so all the work I had planned for Saturday was shelved. And then the berating started. I told myself I was wasting the day.
On Saturday we had a surprise dinner for my daughter’s 18th. I’m running on empty at this point, however, it may not surprise you to hear I rallied.
There is no doubt I needed a break. Every day is scheduled to the minute. So why can’t I allow myself to do nothing? Is the balance working hard, playing hard and then having time to be still?
So, briefly to the photo choice for this post. I don’t know why this pops into my head, but there used to be a Cadbury’s Caramel Advert with a bunny. All the animals would rush around her and she would chill out and say, “Take it easy with Cadbury’s Caramel” I know this is not the most Zen-like mantra, but it kinda works for me!
So, how do you balance your day? Are you annoyed when you don’t achieve what you wanted to? What is the difference between wasting a day and just chilling? Where is the balance?
We are all meant to shine
I have throughout my life, struggled with self-esteem. As I small child I was quite shy and reclusive. I had very severe eczema, head to toe, so looked and felt awful for a good 8 years or so, from about 6 years old. When I hit my teenage years, the eczema started to improve and I did everything I could to make up for lost time and the consequences were sometimes quite shocking. I am and always have been drawn to extremes.
My upbringing was wonderful, but praise was never commonplace, so much so that an unfounded seed of insecurity was planted and took hold. There was always someone better, brighter, prettier, more intelligent, and more talented.
Now lots of people who know me well will be raising their eyebrows and rolling their eyes. How is she describing herself as shy or insecure? But we are all very adept at only showing people what we want them to see.
Anyway, a dear friend and mentor of mine recently mentioned the following passage. It is commonly misattributed to Nelson Mandela's 1994 Inaugural Address but actually comes from the book 'A Return To Love' (1992) by Marianne Williamson, an American spiritual teacher, author and lecturer.
It is a beautiful passage and makes me feel empowered in a really humble way, if that makes sense. It is quite religious, but I don’t think that you need to be to take in the sentiment. You may know it already but I wanted to share it with you, because sometimes reiteration is a lovely thing: "...Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
Shoes, shoes and more shoes
Shopping is an addiction I enjoy, and dresses and shoes are two of my weaknesses. I think maybe shoes edge it slightly. I will pretty much always start an outfit from the bottom up.
I think Marilyn Monroe said, “Give a girl the right pair of shoes and she can conquer the world.” I’m with Marilyn on this one… perhaps not the world, but certainly your bit of it. A lovely pair of shoes gives you "instant sassy" on your feet.
Anyway, I thought I’d share a few of my favorites that go with pretty much anything, and my most recent footwear purchases, from the Christmas sales.
Firstly, Sam Edelman. Sharkskin Anastasia Kid Suede Shoe. Not crazily expensive for designer shoes and really comfortable. To be honest, these tick so many of my boxes. Shoe boot - check. Comfortable - check. Suede - check. Grey - check. I love all colours but there is something very chic about grey in my opinion. I think these come in black and a burgundy too and are still on sale. For me, these are a "do anything, go anywhere" shoe. The next pair are Vicmatie, an Italian brand who have boots sewn up, as far as I'm concerned. Also, grey, suede, but I promise there is some variety coming! These are probably my most sensible pair of shoes/boots. Sturdy and hard wearing, provided you spray the suede to protect it against the rain. In my head these are basically flat... Now come the two Christmas splurges that I secretly put on my credit card. When a pair of shoes feels and looks good sometimes budgetary constraints go out the window and lust takes over...These are the first offenders ;-) They are Dolce and Gabbana, Crystine lace ankle boots. Again a shoe boot, but so delicate. I was deliberating for a long time about lace shoe boots and some were ridiculously expensive and and a lot of the high street versions didn't look like they would stand the test of time. Whether I spend £20 or £200, I really like things to last. This next pair were a real extravagance but in my defence the leather is like butter, they fit like a glove and are an awesome colour. Without fail, when I wear these someone compliments me on the shoes. They are Gianvito Rossi. Whilst looking through my current favs, I rediscovered, these lovely black, suede boots from Office. I love Office. For me, they produce fantastic shoes and boots that are often so close to an exact luxury brand design at a fraction of the cost. These are a few years old. I remember lusting after a pair of Christian Louboutin boots that I simply couldn't justify, even in my contrived mind. Then one day I was running chores in Wimbledon town and I walked into Office for some R&R and, to my delight, found these. Not exactly the same as the Louboutins obviously, but a definite nod in the right direction. Admittedly they are a bit scuffed, but they make me smile. As you may have realised I am a heel girl. I’ve been wearing heels since I was sixteen, I'm short (5'2") and walk a lot better in heels. Put me in pumps or sneakers and I tend to waddle like a duck. Heels seem to make me stride along and improve my posture.
To me, the shoes that stand the test of time are the ones that don’t date, go with a multitude of outfits and are comfortable.Shoes that I can’t walk in, or stand in for hours, when I’m performing for instance, are no good to me.
Like anything, walking high heels takes practice. I’m not for one minute saying I am the perfect heel wearer, but no one likes to see someone tottering and stumbling along in shoes they can’t walk in.
Just to reinforce the power of my addiction, I took a picture of the bottom half of my shoe cupboard (!).I know some people take photos of their shoes and put them on the outside. I like to label them, by make, style, material or an event that reminds of the shoes. I have some shoes from Aldo that I wore in a music video several years ago, that I think you can see at the bottom. I would love to know what your current fave shoes are and if/how you like to organise them. Leave me a comment below so we can compare collections!