How good are you at relaxing …or better still doing absolutely nothing?

I’ve been thinking about this for the last few weeks. So, I suppose in some ways this post is my way of asking for advice.

I have always been pretty bad at relaxing. I am definitely a “doer” so when I sit down to chill, it’s as though I have “ants in my pants”.

It takes me at least three sittings to watch a 40 minute programme on TV as I always leap up to “just something quickly”, thereby sabotaging my own relaxation.

As for actually doing nothing – I am truly abysmal. I find the theory quite appealing, but in reality doing nothing feels bewildering and slightly scary.

I’m getting rather annoyed with myself, and tired, so I need to take action, but how?

Now I am not claiming my life is any more full than anyone else’s and I have always thought of being self-employed (as I am) as a luxury, especially when you have children. I can fit things around my children’s needs and make up time elsewhere.

But the down side is I can always make up time elsewhere so I don’t factor in time to stop.

I am, however, quite good at doing things for my well-being. I meditate daily, exercise 5 times a week and my sleep is extremely precious to me.

But I have realized it’s not same.

Meditation, exercise, even sleep have a purpose. Relaxation doesn’t feel that way. And as for doing nothing - isn’t that a bit of a waste of time?

There is also the ‘maternal guilt factor’ - because just sitting down to relax or doing nothing feels lazy.

As I write this, I remember reading an article several years ago in relation to parenting, which discussed the importance and benefits of children doing nothing and how too much structure was not good for them. So I suppose the same principles can apply to adults.

So I wanted to come up with a list of things I could do to relax so I have been asking friends and here are some things they have suggested:

1. Reading – This one should be easy. I love to read. But nowadays I rarely sit down with a book unless I’m on holiday.

2. Watch a TV programme or film from start to finish without my laptop or phone to hand (this feels like intermediate level relaxation…)

3. Go for a walk – just for the sake of going for a walk. I always have the best of intentions with this one, but never seem to manage to make the time.

4. Gardening – I feel this one might be a joke as I am not known for my “green fingers” – but maybe I could sit in my garden more often…with a book??

5. Do something restful – like sew or knit. Funnily enough I used to do both these things as a teenager…maybe it is time to dust off my sewing machine…

6. Cook for pleasure – now I must admit I don’t really associate cooking as relaxing these days, it is more a necessity – and I’m pretty sure many mothers would agree. But as I have mentioned before I do find baking very restful, so maybe I need to make more time for that, as I’m sure it would be appreciated in my house.

So whilst this list is not looking unachievable, I have no idea where I would find the time and I suppose that is the point.We have to make the time to relax and the purpose can be that there is no purpose and that has benefits in itself....What do you think? I'd love to know your thoughts and what you do to relax.And as for actually doing nothing - that feels far too advanced for me - so I’ll have to work up to it…         

I feel the need, the need to read...

So today I have writing about motherhood, but it has turned into a monster post about young adults and emotions - and instead of editing I have been adding to it over the last few hours. So it's not ready for your eyes yet...When my brain feels full like this, I have to step away and do something else. Music doesn't help because I start listening too intently and ideas start filtering through.

I have always found reading to be really pleasurable and soothing.

Anyway I keep a collection of stories by Oscar Wilde by my bed. I've been reading some of his short stories this afternoon, to take my head away from parenting!!So I thought, why not share a passage from one of my favourite Oscar Wilde short stories, "The Nightingale and the Rose"? If you haven't read it, please do, it won't take long, and I think it is gorgeous. Here's a passage to whet your appetite.. 'Why is he weeping?' asked a little Green Lizard, as he ran past him with his tail in the air.     'Why, indeed?' said a Butterfly, who was fluttering about after a sunbeam.     'Why, indeed?' whispered a Daisy to his neighbour, in a soft, low voice.     'He is weeping for a red rose,' said the Nightingale.     'For a red rose!' they cried; 'how very ridiculous!' and the little Lizard, who was something of a cynic, laughed outright.     But the Nightingale understood the secret of the Student's sorrow, and she sat silent in the oak-tree, and thought about the mystery of Love.     Suddenly she spread her brown wings for flight, and soared into the air. She passed through the grove like a shadow, and like a shadow she sailed across the garden.     In the centre of the grass-plot was standing a beautiful Rose-tree, and when she saw it, she flew over to it, and lit upon a spray.     'Give me a red rose,' she cried, 'and I will sing you my sweetest song.'     But the Tree shook its head.     'My roses are white,' it answered, 'as white as the foam of the sea, and whiter than the snow upon the mountain. But go to my brother who grows round the old sun-dial, and perhaps he will give you what you want.'     So the Nightingale flew over to the Rose-tree that was growing round the old sundial.     'Give me a red rose,' she cried, 'and I will sing you my sweetest song.'     But the Tree shook its head.     'My roses are yellow,' it answered; 'as yellow as the hair of the mermaiden who sits upon an amber throne, and yellower than the daffodil that blooms in the meadow before the mower comes with his scythe. But go to my brother who grows beneath the Student's window, and perhaps he will give you what you want.'     So the Nightingale flew over to the Rose-tree that was growing beneath the Student's window.     'Give me a red rose,' she cried, 'and I will sing you my sweetest song.'     But the Tree shook its head.     'My roses are red,' it answered, 'as red as the feet of the dove, and redder than the great fans of coral that wave and wave in the ocean-cavern. But the winter has chilled my veins, and the frost has nipped my buds, and the storm has broken my branches, and I shall have no roses at all this year.'     'One red rose is all I want,' cried the Nightingale, 'only one red rose! Is there no way by which I can get it?'     'There is a way,' answered the Tree; 'but it is so terrible that I dare not tell it to you.'     'Tell it to me,' said the Nightingale, 'I am not afraid.'....I am tempted to keep typing it out...but if you're a romantic like me, you'll dig the story out...Off to get ready for a night out now - the second this week - party Parry is back! And so you know, I'll be posting on motherhood type issues this weekend. Hope you're having a lovely day x

When life is busy, how do you look after yourself?

(The view from my hotel room)

Do you know when to stop and recharge? Do you have a balance of working hard, and then unwinding so you are truly refreshed? I don’t. So, really what I’m looking for here is advice.

I’m a “get stuff done now so you’re ahead of yourself” person, a compulsive list maker, a “hardly ever say no” person. I love my work, writing songs, coming up with new creative ideas, thinking of posts for this blog and so often work 7 days a week, and of course I have a family…And though this is how I choose to live my life, the problem is I literally never stop.

I have found this year that life has taken on a different pace. Increasingly I feel the need relax and do nothing. But I am not very good at it and curiously the thought of taking time to do nothing for myself makes me feel guilty. I think this is a "mother" thing.

I have tried to book the odd beauty treatment as an “enforced” time out, but I find myself scheduling studio days and answering emails whilst trying not to scuff lovely manicured nails. Even I know that’s not relaxing.

So this weekend just gone, I decide to do something bold. I booked a hotel in Cotswolds, chucked a few things in a bag and jumped in car on my own. Funnily enough, last week a few girlfriends and I were talking about a spa break, but that wouldn’t be for a few months and would take some coordination. And whilst I am looking forward to doing that, I needed to hit pause now.

So, I drove off just before lunchtime on Saturday, having made sure the house was clean and the washing was done. There was a bit of traffic, but the weather was so gorgeous it wasn’t a hardship and I remembered that driving without any time constraints is a joy.

A few hours later I arrived at the little hotel I had booked. Checked in and did nothing. I read my book, I snoozed, I had a shower, went down to the bar had a drink, ate some yummy food and then went to bed at 9.30pm.You may be thinking, I sound really sad and pathetic but I loved it. I am just not used to taking time out for me. It’s not the way I am wired. But I realised I spend most of my time "doing", even if I love what I’m doing, and for just over 24 hours I benefitted from just "being". And the funny thing is this, though I didn’t take any work with me, on Sunday morning when I woke alarm free – my brain was buzzing with ideas.

I would love to tell I put my wellies or walking boots (neither of which I own) and went for a long walk in the countryside, but I didn’t. For a city girl like me, being in the country and looking at it was a good first step. I drove home feeling energised and refreshed.

So how good are you at looking after yourself? Do you feel you have good work/rest balance in your life? Do you stop and take time out for yourself? Tell me what you do; I would love to know.