I often visualise any given day, as a box - a finite space in which I cram as much as possible. I’m not saying my life is busier than anyone else’s. We all seem to live in a world that has a surreptitious accelerator built into it. Hours, days and weeks fly past and I find myself squeezing as much as I can into my virtual box and sometimes, stuff just spills out. It doesn’t all fit. But I need it to fit, how can I get to fit?
The start of this year has been dream like, but full on. Family life – always busy, work – gratifying but challenging – starting this gorgeous shiny blog, finishing final vocals for my lovely project with guitarist Francesco Lo Castro and meeting the incredible producer Andy Wright and bringing to life a covers concept I have had formulating in my head for a while. Life is in a groove right now.
Despite the fact that I love being busy, I can spiral into a whirlpool of latent stress. My default setting is to push through. Power on: whatever the cost. However the cost is often, my wellbeing and sanity. Couple this with the fact that I am very tough on myself; I am the queen of self-beration, in fact.
So I have found myself, over the last month, actively slowing down on my busiest days, taking breaks and hitting my personal pause button. And whilst slowing down goes against my natural state, I seem to be getting more done. It’s as though all the “stuff” suddenly has its own space and there is room to breathe.
For me this is progress. But balance is a delicate thing and I’m not sure I have mastered the subtleties yet. Sometimes we need to stop. I’m told it’s good for the soul. Last week is a good example:
I was in the studio from Tuesday. Everyday was great. On Thursday, we finished the vocals and the wine came out, so left my car at the studio and taxied it home at 1am. Luckily the next morning I felt fine, but a little bit of guilt crept in when I didn’t have my car to take my son to school. This was something I was meant to do.
Friday there was a gig and party at said studio. I think subconsciously I had allowed myself to let my hair down…and I did. It would be fair to say I was in a world of pain the next day, so all the work I had planned for Saturday was shelved. And then the berating started. I told myself I was wasting the day.
On Saturday we had a surprise dinner for my daughter’s 18th. I’m running on empty at this point, however, it may not surprise you to hear I rallied.
There is no doubt I needed a break. Every day is scheduled to the minute. So why can’t I allow myself to do nothing? Is the balance working hard, playing hard and then having time to be still?
So, briefly to the photo choice for this post. I don’t know why this pops into my head, but there used to be a Cadbury’s Caramel Advert with a bunny. All the animals would rush around her and she would chill out and say, “Take it easy with Cadbury’s Caramel” I know this is not the most Zen-like mantra, but it kinda works for me!
So, how do you balance your day? Are you annoyed when you don’t achieve what you wanted to? What is the difference between wasting a day and just chilling? Where is the balance?