Do you ever feel like everything you say and do is wrong? That you’ve gone from being so aligned with someone to becoming a bit of an annoyance or an unnecessary irritation?
Over the last six to nine months, this is how my interactions with my son have felt; hence the tongue in cheek title of this post.
Don’t know get me wrong - he’s still wonderful and I love him madly. We do get on - but when we don’t, it feels like a really big deal, and things take much longer to resolve.
People used to make fun of me when he was young, because we were so close; in fact, a lot of friends used to tell me that I loved him too much.
Now I know I have written a few posts about teenage development, and this detachment from me is right and proper - he will be 17 in September after all. But when we have altercations, it is so much harder to bear than a similar situation with my daughter – now WHY is that?
Before you say anything – I love them both the same – obviously in different ways as they are different people and sometimes I get on better with one of than the other – but the amount of love is the same and boundless.
I think the point might be this - with my daughter I understood her development into adulthood implicitly, even though at times there were (and will be) difficult conversations and adjustments, I knew where she was coming from and what her motivations were. I could relate, as I went through very similar things.
My son however, has always been this pool of mystery and wonderment. I know so much about him, but I don’t know instinctively know how his brain works.
Every developmental change has felt so drastic though I know they are all normal - from going from a scrawny 10 year old to a muscular 16 year old, growing 9 inches in less than 6 months and being able to grow a proper beard.
Hand in hand with the physical changes there are the emotional ones too – which I guess I am experiencing the full force of now - he’s not always as talkative to me, he’s more private, he doesn’t want to cuddle me 24/7. It is true, other mothers told me this day would come, but I didn’t believe them…I recall that book from the 90s, “ Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus”. He is turning into a man, so his mother flinging herself onto him for a hug, is not met with enthusiasm!
I do know “my baby” is still in there - the sure fire of getting a cuddle is if I look sad or start to cry. And if you were wondering why on earth there is a picture of a marzipan chocolate bar on this post, he bought me one as a surprise.
Maybe I am just trying to hold onto him being a child a little while longer, whilst he is ready to step into adulthood.
I have always felt that a boy’s development into manhood is a little mismatched. There are boys who shave at 12 and look like men at 14 but emotionally still act like a 10 year old. Maybe for my son his brain and body are in tune…it’s just my brain that needs to catch up.