Last week my daughter passed her driving test. I was delighted. It’s a rite of passage, correct? Of course it is, as a parent your heart swells with pride when your child reaches a new milestone. And as they get older, each landmark your child reaches brings with it more autonomy. And for you – more worry.
Whilst as a person in your own right you may be a rational, reasonable individual, as a parent all bets are off when you consider any situation and your child.
I am pretty sure any parent has at some point taken a routine event, like running to the local supermarket or going to a party and with a few “what ifs” turned it into a disaster worthy of a Hollywood blockbuster.
I have to say I hate this worry gene I have acquired since becoming a parent. I wonder if there’s something in the air when you give birth, because it permeates every pore. Fathers are not immune, though in my experience the “worry gene” is more predominant in mothers.
My mother is the queen of worry and it still drives me crazy. When I was in my teens, she would be quite fearful of me going out late at night, or going away with mates so much so that often I wasn’t allowed. The problem with that is, as I got older I didn’t tell her. Probably just as well she didn’t find out or nothing went wrong – that certainly wouldn’t have helped with the worry!! Although I had to extricate myself from some pretty tricky situations…In my own subjective perspective I think my mother’s worry is extreme. But having children, wonderful though it is, can mess with your head.
You can think about what they are going to do, or are wanting to do and think back to what you did and you can reconcile whatever it is. You’re chilled, been there, done that – what’s the problem? But then parental worry takes over…having BEEN in their shoes, you know what could happen - how things can go awry. You are looking at every situation with your baby in mind.
And when I am in that mindset, it doesn’t matter that my daughter is 18, passed her driving test and IS actually a great driver. Every negative eventuality races through my mind…But in reality, what I am going to do? Drive with her everywhere? I don’t have crazy protective powers, although those would be more useful than worrying…I guess worry is just a parent’s lot. I can’t fight the worry - it’s in me - intertwined with the crazy love I feel for my kids. I won’t surrender to it either, I just know it’s there and sometimes I say the most ridiculous things out loud, because I worry and then I try to close the door on it.
I know life is for living to the fullest of anyone’s ability and me worrying isn’t going change the outcome of anything.
Anyway, this year, I have to brace myself for my kids away at festivals, inter-railing with friends through Europe and my baby (17 in September) learning to drive too. It literally is never ending…so what do you do? How do you keep a lid on your parental worry?