I thought I would look at parenting from my children’s viewpoint. So yesterday I asked my kids what I did that annoyed them. My son, without hesitation, said it was impossible to narrow it down to five things and my daughter; well she didn’t seem remotely interested in venting. So I thought back over the last few months and put together this list of five things.
Telling them what you would have done in a particular situation and how you were as a teenager. This is an offence most parents I know are guilty of. And the funny thing is as with most things our intentions as parents, are to help and impart wisdom. However, I have learned that when your child reaches the teenage years they are less tolerant of your anecdotes and helpful tips. We cannot save them from every mistake. We must wait for them to come to us. They are people in their own right after all, often with very different perspectives and as I am frequently told life is different for them, as they are not growing up in the dark ages as I was!
Engaging with their friends for more than a minute and showing any interest in their social lives. This one always takes me by surprise. I feel if your children’s mates are in your house, it is nice to make them feel welcome – NO. It is nice to ask them how they are? NO. It is nice to offer to make them lunch or dinner – NO. It is nice to find out what they have been up to? NO, NO, NO. They are your children’s friends, not yours. If by some stroke of luck I am allowed to chat, I’m on the clock; it is very clear when I have outstayed my welcome…in my kitchen.
Invading their privacy. This refers to anything that they view as solely theirs - their rooms (in my house!), any of their stuff – I am not allowed to borrow anything and the real red rag to a bull - their phones. If I touch their phones to move them this is a pretty bad sin. But if I happen to read the odd message over their shoulders then all hell breaks loose. But of course, privacy is a one-way street, theirs should be impenetrable, I have none.
Asking them what their plans are and keeping you informed. I have thought a lot about this one. Basically I feel they see this as too controlling and I see this as just knowing what’s going on, so if plans need to be made, suppers cooked, lifts organized or taxis booked I can sort it. I have discovered that teenage lives, social or otherwise work on a very “need to know” basis.
Using their vernacular. I didn’t get this memo, but apparently there is one somewhere that says this is strictly forbidden. You cannot use any word or phrase that they use. So I’m not to say “sik one”, “safe” or “wag wan” or anything else they currently say. If I do there will be a lot of eye rolling. Oh, and never refer to yourselves as the “rents”…
I have come to realize that teenager’s likes and dislikes change dramatically from day to day and may have nothing to do with us parents. We might engage with them in a certain way that is completely acceptable, but in less than 24 hours, the same thing could be the worst thing in the world.I write this slightly tongue in cheek; day on day they become increasingly opinionated and judgmental, which of course is normal. However, if I offer an opinion or judge something or someone, make no mistake, I will be vilified for it. So I wonder what they will have to say about this…your thoughts?